I’ve been noticing that I censor myself. I allow myself to listen to my inner critic, who wonders what people (i.e. you) will think about or misinterpret about what I have to say. What if I post this post, and it’s just rambly and not interesting? What if you judge me for not being beyond this already? “I figured out how to conquer my self-censorship years ago,” I hear you say. “Why are you telling me about this?” Or worse, “What else do you think you have to say that no one else has said?”
“Nothing,” I whisper quietly and slink back into my closet. It’s all been said before.
But you know what? That’s bullshit. Do you hear anyone say, “All there is to say about love has already been said, so you might as well not bother,” and then stop telling anyone that they love them? Of course not.
Well, everything I have to say is just that: “I love you”, but in other words. And that’s probably what you mean whenever you talk, too.
That’s all my censor wants to say, also. “I love you, and I want to protect you. Please don’t say anything that can get you hurt.” It’s very loving, and damaging, too.
I’m choosing to listen to the most important part of that sentence, and ignore the rest.
I love you. I want you to know that.